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Post by Rabid on Feb 5, 2008 15:41:38 GMT
-------------------------------------
:: The Real You ::
Name:
Age:
Referred By/From:
Other Characters on RAR:
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Post by Gamoc on Feb 6, 2008 4:17:56 GMT
I'm curious as to who really believes in God on Myspace..There's no bribe of a miracle, or anything like that. If you truly believe in God, then repost this, and title the bulletin as "God". if you don't believe in God, then just ignore this. In the Bible Jesus says "If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven"
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Post by Rabid on Feb 6, 2008 4:30:13 GMT
if I wasn't just somebody like me (like me)
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Post by Gamoc on Feb 7, 2008 1:55:31 GMT
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Post by James on Feb 10, 2008 10:21:46 GMT
Total: 38
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Post by Leesha on Feb 10, 2008 10:25:36 GMT
Many stories start off with "it was a dark and stormy night." well, not mine. sure what happend may habe been horrible and "dark", but it was actually a beautiful day, the sun was out and not a cloud in the sky. I remember every detal of the day as if it were yesterday. It was a day I wish I could forget. I was only five years old. I was sitting in my bedroom, minding my own buisness playing with my toys when my dads friend walks into my room, now normally I dont find it weird at all but this time..this time was different, he had shut and locked my door..and right at that moment, i knew something was going to happen that would change my life forever. He walked over to me and bent down to my level and told me to take my clothes off, now, having had already taken my bath that day I knew it wasnt to take a bath, so of course I said no, i dont want to, but he wasnt having it, he was going to have me take off my clothes so he told me, "now do you want me telling your daddy you were being a bad girl?" I of course didnt so I listened and took my clothes off. I was sooo scared, I had absloutly no idea what was going on. After a while of him touching my body and kissing me a few times he pulled down his pants and started to play with himself and began touching me more, after a few more minutes he told me to start doing the same thing he was doing to him, and of course I did because I deffently didnt want him to tell my parents I was being a bad girl. As he was getting ready to cum he told me to lay on my back and proceeded to cum on my stomach. I was freaking out because I had no idea what was happening, i mean I thought he was peeing on me!! I started crying and he told me it was ok and it was normal for that to happen. I didnt care, I was still scared out of my mind, I mean I still had absloutly no idea what just happened. He told me that im not allowed to tell anyone what had happened either because it would be bad if i did because I would be a bad girl. Little did I know that was only the beginning of a looooong 14 years of molestation and rape...and a whole new life for me..or at least what kind of life.
Growing up was tough, by the tim I was ten years old the molestation lead to me having to suck him and him fingering me. I was scared to death. I was deathly afraid of him and what he might do next. I couldnt have a day pass by that I didnt wake up in a cold sweat because I was having a nightmare. My dreams were always flashbacks of every time he molested me.
Now here is where it starts to truely mess my life up. I began to hang out with some older kids who lived near me and all of them were into smoking, so me wanting to fit in..no..needing to fit in somewhere..anywhere..I let them talk me into smoking. I finally fit in somewhere, little did I know that it was deffently the wrong place to fit in. I was putting on a mask for myself...a mask of happiness. I thought I was happy, but that was the thing..i THOUGHT i was happy, but i was really depressed, deeply depressed, and all I kept doing was diging myself deeper into my depression. A depression that will forever consume my life and take over me until I just give up, but I refused to give up, I still do, sure I had my moments, but who doesnt.
Well, here I am, twelve years old. A girl with an entire secret life, a secret life just eating, fighting, dying to come out, im just too stubborn to let it. I think I was afraid to let it out. I shouldnt have been though, maybe everything wouldnt have turned out like it did if I were to have just broke down and told someone, showed some weakness, maybe things would be different. Well too late to change the past. The pain began to be too much that my friends got me started on pot a few months before my twelveth birthday..i was living the high life...literally..I hated it, every single minute of it, but I still refused to show that weakness, I still refused to let people in, still refused to tell anyone. Maybe thats why I was cutting, sometimes so bad that I would get lighteaded, a few times I even had to be rushed to the hospital. I was literally killing myself and I didnt care at all, instead I just kept using cutting, drugs, alcohol as my security blanket so I didnt have to let my emotions out and I could just blanket over them.
Right on my twelveth birthday I was at a party my friend was throwing seeing as it was also new years, I ended up going upstairs after a veryyyy long and very..lets say..interesting game of truth or dare..and ended up sleeping with my boyfriend. So there I was, a twelve year old alcoholic pot head who didnt care if she lived or died.
The next day I was talking to Chris about how I slept with him at the party and his dad (who is the one who molested me for all those years) over heard us talking and realized I wasnt a virgin anymore and he could finally start raping me without them knowing it was in fact him, so as I was getting ready for bed and just falling a sleep a few hours later I wake up to him on top of me raping me. I tried everything I could do to get him off of me but nothing was working, I wasnt going to get him off until he was done. I cried through the whole thing, I kept praying for it to end, and what felt like an eternity later he finallly finished and I just layed there crying until I finally fell asleep after crawling into my brothers room and crying on his shoulder.
My brother was my life, my everyting, I was nothing without my brother, if it werent for him i probably would have given up and killed myself. My brother and I were always extremely close, ever since I was a baby, nobody knew why exactly but we were. Anyways, A few days after I was raped my brother was shot and I was just devistated but luckaly he was going to survive. I refused to leave the hospital and literally slept in the bed with him. My brother was always there for me so I was going to be there for my brother.
After my brother got out of the hospital I started with this "gang" as they liked to call themselves even though they werent a true gang. Yeah we delt drugs and had fights with other gangs but we werent a true gang. My initation was to beat up this one kid we went to school with and I knew it was going to be easy so i of course did it. I knew It was stupid but I was always lucking out with the cops anyway and never got caught so i really didnt care anyways.
With my brother being shot and me starting to be raped and starting a gang I didnt really want to be in I fell into an even deeper depression than ever. I started doing hardcore drugs like heroin and crack to blanket my pain instead of the pot, and I was addicted immediately, and by this time i really didnt care what happened to me anymore so I was sleeping around so i could get drugs and or drug money, luckaly i didnt sleep with anyone unless they wore a condom and only slept with people I knew for at least 3 days..not that that was any better, but I still had my princaples.
At fourteen years old I was finally caught by my brother as I was trying to sleep with one of his friends so he would give me drugs and my brother hit me so hard I literally hit the floor. I was sooo upset with him I didnt talk to him for a week and went on a huge binge high the whole time. I mean I had already slept with a lot guys and reallly didnt care what happened to me anymore so I didnt care at the time if I lost my brother, even though I knew I already had. I ened up cutting myself and the guy I was dating at the time found me and had me rushed to the hospital and right then and there I said I was going to try get sober for my family and everyone who cared about me because I was finally realizing I dont need to hide my feelings or anything, if they truely love me they will help me through the rape and molestation, they wont run away from me, unfortunetly I ended up not telling them about the rape, but I did get help though.
Shortly after I got out of the hospital I found out I had become pregnant and I was scared shitless! I had no idea what to do. I just knew I had to take care of my responsiblity and tell the father and take care of her myself. I ended up lucking out and was with a teriffic guy who was there for me and was going to be there for the baby. I was soo happy when I found out he was going to be there for me and help me through the pregnancy and raising her. I dont know what I would have done if he had turned into a deadbeat and just left, even though I knew he wasnt going to. My mom kicked me out of my house because of me keeping the baby and Jordan let me move in with him so i had to pick up a job and go to school. After Lexi was born I stayed in school and still tried to keep up with cheerleading and basketball.
After having Lexi my live changed soo much. I knew I was finally going to be off the drugs for good because of her. I was sooo afraid of starting again after I got out of the hospital but with Lexi, I knew I had someone I HAD to stay sober for and I wasnt going to let her down.
Ever since November 11, 2003 I have been compeltely sober of all pot and any other drug I use to take and I dont plan on ever taking drugs again. However the rape continued on, the depression was starting to go through cycles where i was reaaaally depressed for a while then I would be reallly happy for a long time because I still never told anyone that I was being raped. But finally in February of 2006 I came out to my brother that I was being raped and molested by Chris' dad and he was thrown into jail, unfortunetly he got off within a year because of some deal his lawyer got him.
Back in Janruary of 2007 he raped me for the last time because he was put into the hospital by Chris and will end up facing a life scentence without posibility of parol and I am soo thankful for everyone who helped me out, especially my friend and family who were there from me from day one when he first molested me, even though nobody knew why I was soo depressed and upset. I am very lucky to have the love and support from my family and friends, because if it werent for them I dont think I would be here anymore because I would have either gotten worse because of the drugs or killed myself because of them.
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Post by andrewlj2002 on Feb 11, 2008 17:22:54 GMT
123.120.153.129
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Post by Gamoc on Feb 12, 2008 11:51:13 GMT
1. Name something that made you mad today?
someone that i hate doing something that i just happend to piss me off a LOT
2. What were you doing at 7:00 am?
getting ready for school
3. What were you doing 1 hour ago?
nothing
4. What is something you will never forget?
theres a lot of things that i never forget
5. What was the last thing you said aloud?
you got to get me that 'FYLYHM" ringtone
6. How many different things did you drink today?
3
7. What was the last thing you bought?
more tictacs
8. What color is your room?
white
9. What is the weather going to be like tomorrow?
Stormy.
10. Vanilla or chocolate?
Vanilla
11. What are you excited about?
well i dont know what it will be only that it will happen between the 10th and 20th
12. Are you random?
Sometimes
13. Do you laugh a lot?
no
14. Do you have plans tomorrow?
no
15. Are you ticklish?
sadly
16. Are you typically nice to people?
yea
17. Who's the 1st person on your received calls list?
Nick
18. What's the 5th text in your inbox?
ringtone
19. Do you chew on straws?
sometimes
20. What is the next concert you're going to?
i dont know
21. What's on your mind lately?
Stupid thing that anger me
22. What were you doing at midnight last night?
listing to music
23. Is success in your future
i hope
24. Do you have a nickname?
no
25. Are you a heavy sleeper?
sometimes
26. When was the last time you used a skateboard?
when i was like 12
27. When was the last time you said I love you to a parent?
just a second ago
28. Was today a good day?
It was fine until 6th period.
29. What are you listening to?
frankenstien
31.What are you doing right now?
This
32. What kind of music you like best?
Rock
33. How do you like to spend the holidays?
Depends.
Which holiday is it?
34. Do you currently have feelings for someone?
yea there every thing to me
36. How do you feel about Valentine's Day?
?
38. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
yea i think so
39. Where do you keep your money?
my safe most of the time
40. What was the weather like on your birthday?
?
41. Would you make out with anyone on your top friends?
yea
42. What instant messaging system do you use?
none
43. Do you own a stereo that costs more than 100 dollars?
no
44. Have you ever hiked up a mountain?
yea that was fun
45. Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex you loved them and meant it?
yea cause its true and always will be
46. Is there anyone that doesn't like you because of something you didn't even do?
not that i know of
47. Do you miss someone?
yea
48. When is the last time you laughed?
today
50. How are you feeling?
impatient mad and happy all at the same time
52. Where did you go yesterday?
no where
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Post by Leesha on Feb 15, 2008 15:53:24 GMT
All the flowers have wilted
Your love has died
I thought we would be together forever
But I guess I was wrong
You walked out that door and left me behind
You've told me so many things
You've told me so many lies
But the truth has come out
You never really cared
You played me like a fool
"Forever and ever"
Just a line you use
To feed me more lies
I thought you loved me
But it was just another line
((a poem i wrote))
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Post by Gamoc on Feb 16, 2008 0:10:11 GMT
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Post by Leesha on Feb 16, 2008 3:57:16 GMT
I look into your eyes
See tears in your eyes
Dry your eyes
But tears still run down
Better days are yet to come
You beg and plead
But you still get beat
But you have to stay strong
Don't show your fear
Don't hide, but dont take it
Become from it, and earn from it
Better days are finally here
Here to stay
Here to come and go
Here for you to live
Here for you to grow
Here for you to laugh and play
Be you
Be true
Don't lie, don't cheat
Don't hide behind
The lies you've been told
Remember, but dont look back
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Post by Gamoc on Feb 16, 2008 13:50:38 GMT
There was a time
I felt my heart was centered
I was so sure I had life figured out
Then you came
And I felt love for the first time
I know there is something wrong
I know nothing more
I can't even speak to you
I don't believe
That something like this could happen
I can never live as I did again
I know that I
Have seen love for the first time
Yet you don't know
Those feelings I have for you
I cry inside
Everyday of my life
Yet my heart screams
For your love in return
I can never live as I did again
Then my heart broke
Realizing I'd never get you
I gave up
On my lifelong dream
So all I do
Is worship you from afar
I can never live as I did again
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Post by Leesha on Feb 16, 2008 14:56:46 GMT
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Post by Gamoc on Feb 17, 2008 0:24:07 GMT
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Post by Leesha on Feb 17, 2008 1:16:00 GMT
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