how do I know

[lala003]

hi

i just wanna say that im not really sure who or what i am.

im at a really difficult time now bec i dont know anything. im really confused and maybe somebody can help me.

would be very cool

thx to you all

[Stacey Morgan]

Hi lala,
I know how you feel. I too am here on a jorney of self discovery. Nobody can tell you who or what you are, all I can say is the you are unique and among friends. I hope you will enjoy leaning about yourself.

[LonelyArtist]

Oh man, lala, I know what you mean! The hardest moment is the moment you have an inkling of suspicion of your own sexuality. But after awhile, it smoothes itself out, either way. At least it has for me! I hope we can help. Most of us are friendly here!

[lala003]

Mar 29, 2009 0:38:42 GMT LonelyArtist said:

Oh man, lala, I know what you mean! The hardest moment is the moment you have an inkling of suspicion of your own sexuality. But after awhile, it smoothes itself out, either way. At least it has for me! I hope we can help. Most of us are friendly here!

at least its good to hear that im not the only one who is so confused and doesnt know who she is. that helps but its really a hard time especially when you cant talk to anybody

[Gamoc]

You can talk to us! It was here that I became comfortable with my sexuality!

[andrewlj2002]

We're all happy to help, lala. Hope you stick around - like Gamoc said, this board can help you feel comfortable about your sexuality.

[lala003]

so when did you all came out??and i wanted to ask if i can post what i ve written down so to clear my thoughts but its pretty long.

[Gamoc]

Go ahead! Post away! Although you're only supposed to have one thread until you have enough posts for your own board, so post in this thread.

I'm still not really out off of the internet. I'm comfortable because I no longer feel like I'm doing something wrong of being turned on whenever I see a guy that is really hot or something like that.

[lala003]

How do i know???

29th march 2009:
Thats the one question im asking myself now for at least 3 months. Im wondering around with my thoughts making me crazy. Who am I? to whom do I belong to? Whom I attracted to? And that’s exactly the question I cant answer. I mean im walking down the street and think uh that boy is hot. But at the same time im catching myself looking at this girl who is just beautiful in her own. So im asking myself how do I know if im gay straigt or even both which means bi? So what do you do if you don’t know yourself. I cant talk to somebody bec im afraid that these guys would freak out no matter who it is my parents or my friends. I don’t know if the relationship between us is that strong to survive this question. And event though I know that these are my friends and beloved I defenetly know that if I tell them something will change. At least the way they look at me or the worst the way the feel for me. If I tell my friends especially the girlie once they obviously will think that im after them and that’s defenetly not the case at all. All I want to have is to speak somebody who knows what to do. Who knows how he or she can help me to figure out what my feelings are. I mean I recently watch the l word the whole 6 seasons in about 7 days because I got so obsessed with that girl kate moennig who is playing shane. If you would ask me if I would turn for her I would not need to think about it. And that s what is confusing me even more. Why am I so sure about that girl because she is hot and I fell in love with her or just because she is so far away that it would never happen and its safe to say such things. I mean I felt the way I know feel for kate before pink. And that’s like the same question do I skip from one to another celebrity because they are unreachable? On wedensday I was at the pink concert and it was amazing btw. I saw this line of girls who were infront of me and I saw that one girl and nearly felt that strange feeling in my stomach. She was beautiful. Kinda looked like kate moennig but there were just onething which was in my way ok to be honest there were two. Once she had a girlfriend right to the right of her and the second one would be that im too scared to even think about to talk to that girl. Well im to shy to be honest. Ive never done this with a guy before so don’t think im just shy with girls. But what I figured out is that I like more the boyish girls. If you look at pink or kate or even that girl I saw at the pink concert she was defenetly looking like a tomboy. Maybe that’s because I was one too when I was a little kid. I never thought about wearing dresses or playing with Barbie dolls. I liked cars and to hang around with my mostly male friends. We were running around in the forest climbing trees playing football. That kind of stuff made me feel free made me feel comfortable. I don’t know but I think I went a little girly at lieast because I do really have a shoe envy and I like dresses know at least from time to time. But I think my dressing behavior is still a little boyish if you can even say that. I don’t know but maybe I know in my inerst that im attracted to both girls and boys but just don’t want to let it out like to be open to it. Maybe I have to meet somebody to really fall in love with so that I can figure out if it is the right thing for me. I mean you all know about these daydreams we have from time to time. I do have those dreams about me and kate being a couple walking around freely having peace with everybody and being proud to have found the love of our lifes. I don’t know but these dreams feel really good and it is like this totally different world im in and I would like to get to this world immediately. I want this world to become mine because mine is shit know. I want to be this person who is obviously playing me to become me so that I can forget all that shit that’s happening. I want to have this confidence to say to everybody you know what im gay and I like it I love it to be me to me myself and I don’t even give a fuck if you are ok with it or not. But how to I get to become this person?
A few days ago I registered in a lesbian side forum and asked exactly that question How do I know? And there were a lot of cute people who told me that they went through the same im now but I have to find my own way to deal with it. I know that they are right but I really hoped to have like the right away answer at this forum. I know that this is another daydream of me.
Right now a real good friend of mine is talking to me through the msn messenger and I really like her. We got a long story because we met because we are big pink fans. So I logged in at the official side of pinkfans and there we met. She is a really cute girl. Only 14 years old but talking like a grown up. Ive never seen her before but it feels like we are sisters or at least good friends. The strange thing about it is that weve never met she doesn’t even know me but im still not sure if I should tell her the way im feeling because she may be scared if im like a crazy naughty bastard who wants to you know what I mean. And I really like to talk to her because she is a cool girl. I don’t wanna loose her.
See in what a dilemma im in. For me it seems like I cant get out of that devil circle and it seems like it will still last long till im even near to get out of it. So now im going to eat something. Ah when we are at the topic of eating I wanna loose weight too so that life gets even more complicated. What fun.

[Stacey Morgan]

Don't be too quick to apply a "label" to yourself, experiment, have fun, and yeah, if that boy's hot, and his girl is equally as hot, whose to say your wrong to look? - It just shows you know what's hot, right?

[lala003]

haha fun yeah you re right

[Stacey Morgan]

Just be safe though.

[lala003]

i will i will

[Stacey Morgan]

Let us know how you get on.

[lala003]

i will what about you i read that thread of yours and was kind of interest in your story